Post # 9 Communication and Mutual Problem Solving

Communication and Mutual Problem Solving

                This week in class we talked a lot about communication in marriage. There is verbal and non-verbal communication. Did you know that words only make up 14% of communication? Did you know the tone of voice makes up about 35% of communication? Or what about non-verbal communication, meaning body language? It makes up a whopping 51% of communication!

                This is interesting to me; over half of our communication is expressed by body language. I wrote down a quote in my notes from class this week, I believe Spencer W. Kimball made the following statement, “When it comes to marriage, we need to communicate so clearly not only that we can be understood but, so we cannot be misunderstood.” If we think about it, communication takes a lot of work.

                I know I need to work harder at this. I believe we all go through times when we work hard to be understood but it takes a lot of work and energy. I believe we also go through periods of time when we are not working so hard. I know we all get tired. This has been an eye opener for me. We must not become lackadaisical.

There are steps that we go through in regards to communicating.

1)      Thoughts or feelings about communicating

2)      We then encode our communication with words, tones, and non-verbal action

3)      Media this can be done by voice, text, social media, email, snail mail, or even letters

4)      Decoding is done by the recipient, by “reading or interpreting” the communication that was sent

5)      Thoughts or feelings about the communication received

We also talked about a technique that includes 5 steps. I have forgotten what it is called but following is the information about it.

1)      Disarming technique: We try to help the other person and ourselves not become defensive. Focus on the kernel of truth that was expressed.

2)      Expressing empathy: What might the other person be thinking or feeling?

3)      Inquiry: Clarify what you heard. Perhaps ask, “Did I get that right?” Or even “I would like to hear more.” You are trying to genuinely understand the issue.

4)      I feel statements:

                When situation or event

                I feel, felt emotion

                Because, thoughts

                I would like hope, desire

5)       Stoking: Express admiration and appreciation. Be respectful.

                I am trying to practice this. Something else we discussed in class was that these concepts are of little value if they are only understood. Now, stop and think about that for a moment…here is next part of the phrase, when these concepts are practiced they are of extreme value. So, if we only understand a concept it doesn’t do much good, but when we put the concept into practice it has extreme value. Why? We have to be actively practicing in order to get better and master communication.

                I know when I feel like I am genuinely listened to, and feel like I have genuine communication with the other person trying to understand my point of view, I feel loved and cared about. This is nothing new for anyone. We all need to feel like we are being listened to, and to feel  a genuine and caring communication with each other.

                I also believe there really is no place for sarcasm in conversations. When sarcasm is used it hurts and mocks the other person. A sarcastic remark doesn’t really mean what is said, often it means the opposite. Let’s just be kind to others and build each other up. Speaking with one another in a genuinely caring fashion will strengthen not only marital and family relationships but other relationships as well.