Parenting
This
week in my Family Relations Class we talked about parenting. One of the first
questions that Brother Williams asked was “What is the purpose of parenting?”
There were different thoughts offered, however as I thought about that question
for a little bit, I came to the conclusion that for me personally, it is to
help me become more like my Heavenly Parents.
I have
always felt that my Heavenly Parents are unconditionally loving. They are
absolutely perfect, whereas my earthly parents and I, myself are not perfect.
We do the best we know how and frequently fall short. I am grateful to be able
to be Their child, and to be a beneficiary of Their patience and loving
teaching. This helps me remember as a parent of my children to be patient and
loving towards my children when they “fall short” themselves.
How do
I want to be taught and corrected? I try to remember to follow the example of
my Heavenly Parents. There have been occasions when I have be corrected for my
own misbehaviors by my Heavenly Father. He is direct and firm in his
correction, He does not belittle me. I feel warmth and love, and I come away
from the experience feeling better about myself. Surprisingly, I feel even more
confident in my ability to succeed and do better. That is perfect parenting.
So, how can I become more like Them as I learn to become a better parent?
In
class we talked about the “Popkins Problem Handling Model” by Michael Popkins.
Of interest to me was the question, “Who owns the problem?” Unfortunately,
sometimes I own the problem when really my children should own the problem. For
example, the dishes, I often times end up doing the dishes myself because it’s
just easier to get it done than to keep asking them repeatedly to complete the
chore.
I
learned some tools that I will need to practice more, these tools will help me
to be better at communicating with them and others.
1)
A polite request. Ask once, not repeatedly. If
needed go to step 2.
2)
Use an I feel statement. “When event, I
feel emotion, because thoughts, I would hopes, desires. An
example Brother Williams used was something to the effect, “When I see your
bike left in the front yard [and not locked up], I feel hurt inside because we
worked so hard together to fix it up so that you would have a great bike to
ride, and I wouldn’t want your bike to get stolen.” If needed go to step 3.
3)
State the request firmer. If needed go to step
4.
4)
Logical consequences.
a)
Logically connect to natural consequences.
Example: If your bike is left out, I will put it up in the rafters for 2-3 days
and then you can try again after that.
b)
Discuss in advance.
c)
Use a when, then or if, then statement. Example:
“When you have finished the dishes, then you can go for your bike ride.”
d)
Firm and friendly. As the parent be unwavering
and use a friendly voice.
e)
Follow through the first time.
f)
Give the child another chance afterwards
g)
Involve the child
Something
else we discussed in class was needs. Everyone has needs. Often children will seek the fulfillment of a need in a negative way. Parents can help their child in a positive way to fulfill these needs.
Childs Mistaken Approach Needs Parental
Response
Undue attention seeking Contact/Belonging Offer contact freely
Learn
to contribute
Choices
Rebellion Power
over my own life consequences
Control others Response
& Ability
Revenge Protection Assertiveness
&
Forgiveness
This
week I have learned about how to be a better parent. I will be practicing what
I have learned so that my children and I will have a better relationship. This
will also help them as they become adults to learn how to problem solve in a
positive way that will build their confidence and the confidence of others.
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