Post # 6 Transitions in Marriage

Wow! it’s hard to believe I am half way through the semester. This has been my favorite class this semester. It’s been tough at times working through the readings in my Family Relations Class, because I am twice divorced. I feel like I am no expert and at the same time I am an expert at what doesn’t work. With that said, this week’s topic has been “Transitions in Marriage.”

Something I found interesting in our discussions was the planning of the wedding/reception can set up a pattern for the future of the marriage. Of course none of us realize we are setting patterns at this time, but we are. Understand reader, I will not be using my own experiences in this blog, I will be using examples of class discussions.

The national average cost of planning a wedding/reception for 100-150 guests is $33,000. Does that shock you? Mercy! My eyes flew open at that information. So the question came up in class, how is this event financed? How does this affect the couple? What are some of the long term effects of such an event? What are some of the patterns that are now being put in place as the wedding/reception is planned?

How is a wedding/reception usually financed? That’s a lot of money to come up with. This is top three we discussed in class.

·         Parents

·         Savings

·         Credit card or other debt

Do the parents have that kind of money to spend on a single event? Will it wipe out their savings or do they need to dip into their retirement account? Will they need to mortgage their home? Might they even feel a little wary or possibly resentful at the debt? Please know this doesn’t mean they are bad parents: they have lived a lot longer than the couple and know a few more things about money. This is a lot of financial pressure.

Does the couple have money saved up themselves to pay for the wedding/reception or will they need help to finance it? Will they go into debt using credit cards or a loan to finance this special day? How will this debt affect the couple? We will make the assumption they are both students already stretched financially living off of grants, scholarships, and part-time jobs.

How would debt affect the young couple? Debt is a heavy thing to endure, it can have many faces. Of course financial debt is obvious, but what about the feelings that may come along because the parents may feel something is owed to them because of the financial contribution they made? Maybe the expectation that every holiday is to be spent with them? Perhaps naming the first child after the contributing set of parents? What about “advising” the young couple of what they need to do in various situations?

What patterns has this young couple already started establishing? Planning a wedding/reception is a vital lesson for the couple as they are learning how to work together in their own marriage. They learn about finances, how their spouse feels about finances and how they actually use those resources. They learn about priorities, differences, and compromise. They learn about how the other behaves under pressure and how they treat those they are engaging with during those times. Many more things can be learned about the future spouse as they plan a wedding/reception together.

This is a time to watch carefully as patterns are being developed in what will be the future of the marriage. Again, I have used no personal examples, but I can say from the reading this week that I was able to see patterns that were established in my previous marriages simply by recalling how the wedding/receptions played out.