Post #2 Family Systems

This week in my Family Relations Class, one of the topics of discussion was “Family Systems”. To help our class better understand what is meant by “Family Systems” some other examples were given with systems that we all had some degree of familiarity with, such as phone systems, electrical systems, body systems (i.e. cardiovascular), fire suppression and operating systems with phones and computers.

The Systems Theory is that a group looked at as a whole, has boundaries and each person influences others. They work together and this maintains the system. This does not necessarily mean that it is a healthy system, it just means that each person has an influence which maintains the system. There may also be sub-systems.

Another great example that was shared in class was actually an object lesson. Now, bear with me, this may be a little long winded. We had 4 volunteers in class to be a “family”. We had a father, mother, and two children. The “family” spread out in a circle and held hands. Brother Williams then (with permission) put his hands on each family members shoulders and pulled on each individual one at a time. During this time everyone continued to hold hands. Obviously there was strain put on the rest of the family members. He continued to go around the circle. When Brother Williams got to the father of the family the father tried to keep any extra strain from going to the rest of the family, trying to bear it by himself. This actually made it harder on the father, whereas if he had allowed the family to help him bear the strain it would have been easier. In a sense the father was at more of a risk of losing his balance because he was unwilling to share the strain with the family.

Please don’t misunderstand that the father was the problem. This could be anyone of us in the same position of the father, or any other family member, he was just trying to protect the family.  I learned somethings about myself and my family. I am not listing them in any order of relevance, just what comes to my mind.

·         Strain felt on any member of the family affects the whole family. It can be anything from a bad day at school for a child to a parent not getting the things accomplished on the to do list to financial troubles. This list may seem trite, the point is the list can go on and on. It applies to any size stress at all. The strain is there even if we aren’t aware of the bad day or the to do list.

·         As hard as it is to share the burden, I realize I am making it so much harder for myself and my family when I don’t share. My family and I are stronger when we work together and share burdens.

·         There are many things in life that are pulling at families. Be aware.

·         When I don’t share what is bothering me, I am actually causing fear for my loved ones. They may be afraid to broach the subject for fear of making things worse. Be more open with concerns.

·         I know my family loves me and they will want to help in whatever way is possible.

·         I can show weakness and at the same time continue to have my dignity.

This week has really been thought provoking for me. I am learning to think about and love my family deeper. I may not be perfect, but I have the perfect family for me. I am so very grateful for my children, my siblings, parents, and extended family.